So Long For Now
Hello IDEA community,
I think I will be taking an official hiatus from the blogging team. I have been preoccupied with trying to comprehend my college life. Time really isn't an issue as much as a lack of motivation and access to news media is. My de-motivation derived from the constant feeling I have that continuing to receive formal education is neither relevant to nor financially viable for me. Not given the chance to get over burnout from my last stretch of k-12 schooling, I am beginning to feel that this isn't worth it if I am always confused, stressed, and tired. Yet at the same time I LOVE learning and a college (or a library) has ready-made learning opportunities that aren't taken by force (for the most part).
Additionally my school is really small, and it's in a very small town. Being here feels like being trapped in a bubble. When I go out of town with friends, I can feel the difference in atmosphere as soon as we step foot on school grounds again. The only news source is Vermont's branch of NPR, and I don't listen to it. I have stopped checking the Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, and The Oregonian. I have no idea what's going on outside of this town apart from sparse dining hall conversations. Televised news is too dramatic.
I feel caught in a daze. The student body is not academically oriented unless they are biology or Environmental Studies majors (Green Mountain is an Environmental Liberal Arts School), and there are a group of friends I have that are really into intellectual topics like sociology, gender, sexuality, and feminism. Another group of friends I have play quidditch, are very fun to be around, and they also like academics. Other than that there is mostly an attitude of apathy. Many people will be transferring, and a few have already dropped out. I've never been around so many people who smoke and drink, and that's saying a lot as a L.A. County native. Why is smoking the culture among college-aged students? Then there are those who drink a lot. The drug use is not terribly visible, but I still feel the culture creeping over my shoulder. And it seems that many colleges suffer these pitfalls, so will leaving make a difference? Few people sleep well or take care of themselves. There is this air of cynicism and self destruction that worsens my burnout to the point of sorrow.
One saving grace I have is Green Mountain's “Progressive Program.” If I get accepted to this program, there are less required classes for me to take. This program is a work intensive self designed program. I would be a traditional art major in the program, but I will be linking many cross disciplinary classes into it. I can shape my own curriculum with the exception of four core Environment-based classes I can't escape from, but don't mind. I want to learn how to reason effectively and express myself with communications classes. This then works in tandem with writing classes I want to take. I can then engage in quantitative analysis courses of study by creating independent studies with my current systems thinking teacher. Hopefully the fruit of that part may result in a field semester at the Ecovillage at Ithaca, where I can get experience with sustainable living, and use systems thinking and modeling to understand the dynamics of communities that practice permaculture. One of my friends also wants to do a semester there, so hopefully we can work that out by second semester of sophomore year. As far as education is concerned I want to take a few education major classes: field experience (working with students in schools), teacher as a decision maker, the history of education and the philosophy of education. I want to tie that up with psychology courses: social research& human development.
Another great opportunity is that I can take community college courses and internships during my summers in Los Angeles, hopefully to get me out of college faster. With all of these goals, I don't think I will study abroad (or get to Portland as I so desire) until after I graduate.
However...
If I am burned out and sleep deprived right now, how will I ever achieve my goals? I've been thinking that I should get back to exercising or do yoga or something to perk me up or relax me as needed, but I don't know. I am crippled by inertia, apprehension, and a lack of purpose. I rebuke my strengths. So I suppose my time in college will deal with me working with my strengths and limitations, and grinding through development of self discipline until I realize what I want and where I want to go.
Will I do my best to use my time at college to learn about my interests; alternative education and activism through written and visual media? I hope so. I want to be a scholar and know enough to genuinely contribute to this movement. If anyone is attending conferences or key events, let me know so that I can see if I can get there " New England areas in fall through spring; southwest and northwest areas during the summer. I don't get any emails to my new address about the blog team check in, but it's .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). I would like to keep in touch.
-Zuleika
*Please excuse grammatical errors.
Posted in on Nov 16, 2010 - 11:56 AM
*Hello IDEA community,
I think I will be taking an official hiatus from the blogging team. I have been preoccupied with trying to comprehend my college life. Time really isn't an issue as much as a lack of motivation and access to news media is. My de-motivation derived from the constant feeling I have that continuing to receive formal education is neither relevant to nor financially viable for me. Not given the chance to get over burnout from my last stretch of k-12 schooling, I am beginning to feel that this isn't worth it if I am always confused, stressed, and tired. Yet at the same time I LOVE learning and a college (or a library) has ready-made learning opportunities that aren't taken by force (for the most part).
Additionally my school is really small, and it's in a very small town. Being here feels like being trapped in a bubble. When I go out of town with friends, I can feel the difference in atmosphere as soon as we step foot on school grounds again. The only news source is Vermont's branch of NPR, and I don't listen to it. I have stopped checking the Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, and The Oregonian. I have no idea what's going on outside of this town apart from sparse dining hall conversations. Televised news is too dramatic.
I feel caught in a daze. The student body is not academically oriented unless they are biology or Environmental Studies majors (Green Mountain is an Environmental Liberal Arts School), and there are a group of friends I have that are really into intellectual topics like sociology, gender, sexuality, and feminism. Another group of friends I have play quidditch, are very fun to be around, and they also like academics. Other than that there is mostly an attitude of apathy. Many people will be transferring, and a few have already dropped out. I've never been around so many people who smoke and drink, and that's saying a lot as a L.A. County native. Why is smoking the culture among college-aged students? Then there are those who drink a lot. The drug use is not terribly visible, but I still feel the culture creeping over my shoulder. And it seems that many colleges suffer these pitfalls, so will leaving make a difference? Few people sleep well or take care of themselves. There is this air of cynicism and self destruction that worsens my burnout to the point of sorrow.
One saving grace I have is Green Mountain's “Progressive Program.” If I get accepted to this program, there are less required classes for me to take. This program is a work intensive self designed program. I would be a traditional art major in the program, but I will be linking many cross disciplinary classes into it. I can shape my own curriculum with the exception of four core Environment-based classes I can't escape from, but don't mind. I want to learn how to reason effectively and express myself with communications classes. This then works in tandem with writing classes I want to take. I can then engage in quantitative analysis courses of study by creating independent studies with my current systems thinking teacher. Hopefully the fruit of that part may result in a field semester at the Ecovillage at Ithaca, where I can get experience with sustainable living, and use systems thinking and modeling to understand the dynamics of communities that practice permaculture. One of my friends also wants to do a semester there, so hopefully we can work that out by second semester of sophomore year. As far as education is concerned I want to take a few education major classes: field experience (working with students in schools), teacher as a decision maker, the history of education and the philosophy of education. I want to tie that up with psychology courses: social research& human development.
Another great opportunity is that I can take community college courses and internships during my summers in Los Angeles, hopefully to get me out of college faster. With all of these goals, I don't think I will study abroad (or get to Portland as I so desire) until after I graduate.
However...
If I am burned out and sleep deprived right now, how will I ever achieve my goals? I've been thinking that I should get back to exercising or do yoga or something to perk me up or relax me as needed, but I don't know. I am crippled by inertia, apprehension, and a lack of purpose. I rebuke my strengths. So I suppose my time in college will deal with me working with my strengths and limitations, and grinding through development of self discipline until I realize what I want and where I want to go.
Will I do my best to use my time at college to learn about my interests; alternative education and activism through written and visual media? I hope so. I want to be a scholar and know enough to genuinely contribute to this movement. If anyone is attending conferences or key events, let me know so that I can see if I can get there " New England areas in fall through spring; southwest and northwest areas during the summer. I don't get any emails to my new address about the blog team check in, but it's .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). I would like to keep in touch.
-Zuleika
*Please excuse grammatical errors.
Tags for this entry:
Comments
Los Angeles; Poultney; aspiring to Portland
http://introvertedwisdom.wordpress.com/
Log-in or register below to leave comments
Cian Sawyer
Nov 21, 2010 - 12:37 PM
your voice - your perspective and insight - will be missed Zulieka. i hope your path opens up clearly before you.