Posted in DemEd in Real LifePhilosophy of EducationParenting on Jan 08, 2010 - 12:09 AM
Do you ever notice how the first thing that pops out of most people's mouths when they speak to a young child is, "So how's school?" It's as if school is the only common denominator people can come up with to address these "little people." I guess that can be an okay way to begin a conversation; sometimes an opener like that could lead into favorite things to do, hobbies, interests, etc.But it often leads to negativity, from what I've witnessed. Though I used to politely murmur, "Fine, thanks," I have been either entertained or horrified (or a combination of the two, really) by plenty of sad stories. "I hate it!" or "Gym is okay, I guess," or "My teacher sucks" are all phrases that I've heard--not to mention some pretty eye-popping dirtier versions. And then the inquiring adult will typically laugh and share a horror story to rival the kiddo's sob story--because, let's face it, we're Americans and we like our fish tales--and it's all as ordinary as a Labor Day cookout in the backyard.
Except...shouldn't it not be ordinary?
I get that it's small talk and that it's not exactly Aunt Molly's job to take on Little Jimmy's elementary school teacher like the K-12 Crusader, but are we so desensitized that we just shrug it off, chalking it up to the childhood experience? It's good that they suffer because we had to suffer, right? Or perhaps we think Jimmy is embellishing his facts a bit, since all children lie, of course. What if, however, the conversation changed just a bit...
"Why do you hate school, Jimmy?"
"Miss Smith is so boring. All I do is worksheets. I hate it!"
"Hmmm. Is there anything you do like learning about?"
"Sure. I really like to build stuff like rocket ships and boats."
"You know what? I used to build model airplanes..."
Wouldn't that be a more interesting conversation to have at your next family reunion? Or better yet, skip the questions about school and learning entirely and go for the gold--What are you into, Jimmy? What's your favorite book? What kind of music do you like? Who is your hero? What do you want to be when you get older?
Now we're talking!
And then if all schools were like that to begin with... Well, I wouldn't mind bringing them up over barbecue and potato salad so much.
Tags for this entry:
questioning,
youth-adult relationships,
joy of learning,
conversation
comments
Exactly—and doctors, dentists, etc. might want to keep that in mind, too, as they try to assess kids’ speech, progress, and other factors.
on Jan 08, 2010 - 07:23 PM
Such a good topic! Thanks for sticking up for young people and the fact that they have lives beyond the classroom. You give great models of how to have meaningful conversations with the young people in our lives, which can help develop much stronger relationships with them.
This past holiday season I was chatting with my cousins, who are in middle school, and I found that when I didn’t just start with the “How is school?” line but started chatting about other things (games, movies, etc), the conversation would at some point also go into what they like and dislike about their teachers and school. And the conversation went real deep real quickly. Sure beats the ol’ “Fine, thanks” dialogue!
on Jan 11, 2010 - 09:48 AM
Thanks Dana! I was always so frustrated at family gatherings when I was younger when all people wanted to talk about with me was school. I had a job, volunteering, softball, and tons of other things going on and all they cared about was my latest report card? Come on!
Of course, it never really changes in many situations; as you age, the subject of school is simply replaced with work and/or children. 
I bet your cousins really appreciated you taking the time to talk about their interests rather than the same old boring subjects.
on Jan 11, 2010 - 10:10 AM
It’s so funny that I JUST noticed that this was my go-to question for any children—especially my cousins! I’ll definitely remember your post for future encounters.
on Jan 11, 2010 - 11:03 PM
I know, it’s like an immediate response, right? How do they respond?
on Jan 12, 2010 - 01:02 AM
We’re both bored within the first minute of that conversation. We quickly transition into the latest fart joke and all is good again the world, lol.
on Jan 12, 2010 - 08:25 PM
LOL!
on Jan 12, 2010 - 09:55 PM
Amen, sister. When our questions focus mainly on school, kids get the impression that we see school as the most important part of their lives. I’ve found that most kids don’t have much interest in talking about it anyway, so it’s like pulling teeth to get a response. You’ll both find the conversation more engaging when you ask kids about their interests. Plus, you’ll be role modeling for them that there’s more to life than academic achievement.
on Jan 08, 2010 - 11:54 AM