In Like a Lion

Posted in Parenting on Mar 30, 2010 - 10:45 AM

I, for one, will be happy to see March go this year.

Normally I'm not one to wish for time to pass by quickly. Our family tries to enjoy every day, celebrate the seasons of the year, and generally make the best of what we have. This March, however, has thrown us for a loop, largely financially, and I won't be sad to see it go.

It's also been a difficult few weeks for our daughter. She has not only picked up on the tension, but also suffered from her parents having to compensate by working as much as we possibly can. Even that hasn't eased all of the burden, and she's turned to tantrums, name-calling, and even the dreaded, "I don't love you" words in frustration.

Already stressed and seeing one another rarely, my husband and I have had a difficult time keeping our tempers in check this month. Now that he works the night shift (not by choice), my daughter and I both see him less and less. Cries of "Why can't you just listen?" have been bouncing off the walls far more often than the normal laughter and happy sounds that usually fill our home. Adding to the stress is our daughter's expectation of her small but weekly allowance we started in February, along with constant gifts from her grandmother, who refuses to stop doling them out on a weekly basis, if not more often.

How do you teach a four-year-old about money? How much should she even know about what's happening right now? How do you teach her to be happy with what she already has (which is quite bountiful)? Every day my motto continues to be, "Be happy with what we have," and yet I struggle finding the way to show her what this means.

And even more importantly than this, how to we maintain a loving, supportive atmosphere in such a tense situation? Every day I set the intention to be as loving and calm as I can be, and every day it feels as if I'm failing.

I keep turning to several resources to help me get back on track. One is The Institute for Humane Education. While I don't have a lot of extra time these days, I do spend a few minutes each day visiting the site and exploring its resources. I've aligned our budget to where I might even be able to purchase a course or two from the institute this summer, and while I hope that such activities will help me be a better parent and teacher, I think some sleep, exercise, and less worry would do us all some good, too.

Another resource is Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting. This, to me, is the parenting book of all books--at least of those that I've read. If I had to recommend a single book for every parent to read, this one would be it. Kohn's advice is right on the money (see, my mind keeps coming back to that word...), and he presents so many things that I'd never thought of before. I'd heard that empty praise and sticker charts could impact children negatively before, but never in the way Kohn describes it. And calling my daughter a "good girl" never seemed so wrong; aren't all children inherently "good" people?

Between these two resources, my daughter, and my intentions, I've been able to make it through each day, but not easily so. Struggling seems to be the name of the game lately. Any advice on maintaining a warm, loving harbor in the midst of such a storm would be greatly appreciated; so would a nap here or there.

Tags for this entry:
parent involvement, childhood, early childhood, family dynamics

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