Smart, funny and slightly disruptive

Posted in DemEd in Real LifePhilosophy of Education on Nov 04, 2009 - 11:27 PM

I have one kid I can't get to shut up and pay attention. He's smart, funny, and cute and is just always playing and being slightly disruptive. It's like being quiet for one minute is impossible. I don't want to totally shut him down, but I want to be able to work with him. What do I do?

- Minna D., San Francisco, CA, 9th grade teacher

This is a classic situation. The pace and structure of school carries with it expectations of what young people are and should be like. We expect our children to be able to "shut up and pay attention." But what do we really mean by that? In this situation it's not only that you want him to pay attention, it's that you want him to pay attention to what you think he should be paying attention to. And when he doesn't, it becomes frustrating, not only because he is running around, but also because you feel like your efforts to get him to "pay attention" have failed.

Teachers are under a lot of pressure to "get through" to the young people in our charge and we take it very personally when one of our young people, especially one that we like, does not do what we ask of them. The first thing I would recommend is to not do that. Don't take it personally when he won't "pay attention." It's not about you. His "disruptive behavior" is not disrespectful; it is not an attack on you. You may not know his reasons for behaving this way, but what matters is that you get to be his coach and ally while he figures out how be in the world.

So what do you do? Well here's one suggestion. You say that he is smart and funny. Find some things that he likes to do. Encourage him to do those things. Show him that he can be successful. See that he can pay attention when he is engaged in something that piques his interests. Build a relationship with him based in encouragement and positive interactions. Figure out, with him, a system that works for both of you. If asking him to sit through certain activities is too much for him right now, then don't ask that of him. Instead, create a set of expectations that he will be able to meet and hold him to those expectations. This will show him that you respect him and his needs, that you are a reasonable person that he can count on.

Once you have established a relationship based on positive support, encouragement and respect, you can begin creating challenges for him. Slowly and systematically begin asking more of him. But make sure that as you are doing this, you continue providing support while he is taking these steps.

Keep the questions coming,


Jonah



- I'd rather know some of the questions than have all of the answers

Tags for this entry:
k-12 education, youth-adult relationships, behavior and consequences, respect, classroom strategies, encouragement

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